


i loved him

by sesray



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A week later i have the guts to post this, Angst, Drabble, First fic and its gd angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, I only wanted a normal show but what i get is angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Short, Why i do this to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 23:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11001075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sesray/pseuds/sesray
Summary: And something inside Dean just breaks in many piecesand it’s the last god damn thing he wants





	i loved him

**Author's Note:**

> I HURT MYSELF TO MUCH. I MEAN, I CAME HERE HAPPY IN THIS FANDOM AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME 
> 
> i'm indignated
> 
> (Originally posted on tumblr, so yeah)

“Did he loved you?” 

Dean tenses his jaw, his eyes stinging, well knowing tears were going to fall at some point but he pushes them back in its place. Pushes his emotions back where he buried them long ago. 

He took a look at his brother; dear sammy whose eyes were filled with grief, nearly in the border of crying. His shoulders were painfully tense, and he was probably biting his tongue when he got to ask the question. Dean looks at his brother’s eyes and sighs, coming out like a frustrating huff and responds.

“He did.” 

They fall in silence once again and Dean is wondering how his brother got him to talk about it just now. Maybe because they both were very likely drunk and hiding feelings while drunk is not an option in the list.  
His eyes are sore along with his throat, the thick taste of whiskey still dancing in his mouth and he holds his hands together, keeping himself together from breaking. He didn’t want to break. 

He inhales deeply, almost begging for air and before he can notice, the tears he have been holding back for so long since that night, were rolling down his cheeks to his neck. And something inside Dean just breaks in many pieces _and it’s the last god damn thing he wants_ , and the next thing he knows is that he is sobbing and avoiding the sad eyes of his brother. 

His eyes are stinging, painfully and his head is hurting like a bitch but he can’t help it. It’s too much. It’s too much for him. For him and Sam. 

He lost Cas. He lost a brother, a friend. 

He lost someone special to him.

He turns to his brother, whose gaze looks at Dean, clenching his jaw as hard as he can, because he lost too as the same as his brother. They lost their mother and their friend in one night, just moments apart. 

And it hurts so much. 

“Did you?” 

Sam asks, his voice about to break and Dean remembers those times in which his brother was afraid of the dark in those motel rooms in their childhood and Sam was just a kid. He whispered to him just like that, fear and sadness crawling together and Dean will always say that _it was going to be just fine_. Things were somehow easier at that time.

Dean doesn’t know how to respond. His little brother asks again. 

“Did you loved him too?”

The question rolls in his mind, as an echo and remembers the times which he had told the angel he needed him. A plea, years back. A longing and a call. 

And he remembers he never got to say it. And even if he is not here anymore, even if he is not feeling him anymore. He prays for him in his mind, even though he can’t hear him anymore and looks at his brother. He sighs, breathe thick and pain in his chest. 

“I did.” 

He never got to say it.

He prays to God, _god damn chuck_ , for the first time, for the impossible once more. 

“ _I do._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I know cas will come back for season 13 but im still mourning god dammit 
> 
> (I will write something soft next time, i promise)
> 
> tumblr: sesulxx


End file.
